lyef & thymes

Monday, July 25, 2005

And the Plot Thickens

For background, read my previous post.

She chuckled a little bit when I suggested that I was irresistable to women. This caused my synapses to start firing. She's laughing because that's a ridiculous statement...or maybe it makes her nervous because I AM irresistable to her, and I have just made things more awkward.

"Well, I just don't know if there is such a thing as 'just friends' between a man and a woman," says Kate. "I think that eventually in any relationship like that you will eventually have to face the idea that one or both parties will be attracted to each other. So I thought I had better just say right up front that I don't want to be pursued."

"This is pretty weird, Kate. No one has ever talked to me like this before.”
Says I.

“I have never done this before either, it’s just that think we could be good friends, and I don’t want to leave anything to get in the way of that.”

“I see, so you’re saying, ‘If we just do things the way we always do things, we get the same result’, and this time you want a different result. You want to set things up in such a way that there can be honest and open communication between two friends, without things getting in the way that typically get in the way?”

and at this point I made the mistake of thinking I knew what she was talking about.

“I think what I mean is what I said. I want to be your friend, but I can see how a girl asking you for coffee could be misunderstood, and so I want to be transparent here.” She’s not smiling anymore, and so once again I try to lighten the mood.

“Well, this could go a few ways. We could be friends for a little while, then realize that neither one of us could live without the other, get married, and your boyfriend would be crushed. OR we could be great friends for our whole entire lives, without romance ever entering the picture. OR we could try friends out, hate it, and it will all amount to nothing” I say in a somewhat light-hearted way.

“Or we could not even try friends out, and just go our separate ways right now,” she adds. “Which one of those do you think is the right way?”

At this point in the conversation I realized that I had been seriously underestimating the importance of the subject to Kate. It is possible that she has never been able to have male friends, and didn’t know if she could, so I was potentially a big gamble for her.

“Kate, I think you are a fantastic person, and I don’t want to presume to know every potentiality for where a friendship between you and I could lead. Can you accept the fact that there are variables that cannot be controlled?”

“I don’t know. Do you want to take some time to think about it, and then get together again later on and talk about it some more?” she asks.

“Sure. How about Thursday, after my soccer game?”

…more to follow on the continuing saga of Jacob’s friendship with Kate.


At 12:17 p.m., Blogger Andrew G said...

hmmm... it sounds like someone has finally given you a riddle you can't solve...

Follow your heart dude.

At 2:03 p.m., Anonymous Jeremy Wright said...

His heart's fine. It's his head that's getting in the way ;-)

At 3:13 p.m., Blogger Michael said...

I think she's yanking your plank dude - tell her to STEP OFFFFF STEP OFFFF STEP OFFFFFFFFFF!!!

At 5:09 p.m., Blogger Jake-M said...

Mike, I don't think she's yanking my plank. I really don't. Remember that I am writing this, not her. So you get my biases, and also my attempts to tell it like a story.

And Andrew, yeah, it bugs me not to figure stuff like this out.

And Jeremy, are you saying I have a fat head?

At 6:41 p.m., Blogger Lisa said...

I don't know.. It sounds pretty clear to me.. =)ha. I'm enjoying the saga.

There are some girls who are not capable of having guy friends. They have their signal switches set permenatly to "flirt". Your friend could be trying to break a pattern she's experienced before..

Or maybe she's trying to convice herself that she really only has platonic feelings for you..

Tread carefully.. she might be having issues with her boyfriend. The last thing you want is to get "involved".

Anyway.. that's how a girl sees it. =)

At 6:41 p.m., Blogger Lisa said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 6:45 p.m., Blogger Michael said...

Yeah - I am probably biased.

I'm just a bitter old nag - don't listen to me...



At 10:55 a.m., Blogger wilsonian said...

I'm with handel- you're my hero :)

Tread carefully. I just don't see how you can win here. If you are able to move ahead, it will likely just be a matter of time until she misinterprets your motives.

At 12:10 a.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey Jake I'm just about living the story (oddly enough, this has nothing to do with the girl mentioned in my blog, but someone else entirely...). The way I see it, you're extremely fortunate to have everything out in the open and talking regularly.

As with most things, the right answer in my mind is a balance between extremes: follow your honest heart, but be mindful of how you word things and say things. As well, be aware of the possibility that it may come to the point of needing to leave space for a short time, long time or permantently. You're responsible enough to act accordingly.

Mes 0,26$,



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