lyef & thymes

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Winds of Change blow over my head...

"It is useless to think of what has not been as in opposition to what has been"-Hermann Hesse.
"Every road you did not choose to walk is as much apart of you as those that you did." -Jake

Today is the last day that residence is open at St. Stephen's University. This time last year I was packed up, heading for Ontario, and preparing for the unknown as a graduate of SSU. This year I watch as many of my friends drive away, and I feel happily unsettled. I am so proud of all of the snot-nosed punks who didn't know crap about crap, that leave here as strong, educated, spirit-led individuals capable of making it through this life doing remarkable things along the way. My path since graduation has been bizarre and amazing, and I am sure each of them will have similar adjectives to attach to their futures.
On a personal level I find it very difficult to face the idea of staying behind when everyone else goes. I recognize that even in remaining here I am moving forward in my life. I have never been known as a guy who faithfully completed everything he began. I have the blessing of many Apostolic gifts, but the converse is that I am persistently looking to the next thing, and the next thing, and the next thing, and am not great at doing THIS thing. By staying here I will get a great opportunity to keep doing what God has given me to do for this time. While visitting a friend in a neighboring town he outlined it thusly: Well, you gotta drive back to St. Stephen when you leave here, so you gotta take main street out to the highway, then turn left to get on the highway and head home that way. What if you were driving down Main street, got sick of waiting for the highway, and turned left onto some dirt road? You'd be heading the right direction, but chances are you would take way longer to get there in the long run. If you have your destination in mind, if you know where you're trying to go, take your time and go the right route. Be faithful to the end of Main street and you'l find your self at the highway. Try to rush through the Main street portion of your journey and Home will end up being further away than you thought.
This made a lot of sense to me. When I prayed for a dream, God gave me one. When I asked him for direction, this job is what he showed me. I don't want to be in a big huge hurry to throw that back in God's face. "Hey, thanks for the hope and the future, and thanks that you let me in on the plan of how to get there, but this part is getting a bit tiresome, so I'm just gonna declare myself ready for the next bit, and go ahead on my own. I'm sure it'll work out fine. Bye God, see you when you catch up to me." It's silly really. I can see that I have to finish here in God's time, not my own, but I still feel such a pressure to get moving. Someone gave me that wonderful advice "God only steers a moving ship". Wow, that sure reveals alot about what people think "moving" and "not moving" is. I wonder what God considers to be a "moving ship". In the big picture I think it is moving through life lessons, moving faithfully through the work you have been given. Everyone around me is moving to another town, and I am staying put. I don't think that necessarily implies that I am standing still. I would question that advice in a similar way if it was offered to someone else. I think that when we don't know what the heck to do, it can be true that the best first step is just to start something, anything really. And at least then there would be some momentum to go along with God's direction. So maybe the idea isn't totally cracked. For now I am going to stay the course.
It is probably the first time i have been successful in doing this, and it is made more difficult by watching everyone else turn left onto the highway, and knowing that my left turn isn't for a few more miles.


At 1:18 a.m., Blogger beth said...

i appreciate your words of wisdom and am trying to grasp them for myself. taking a day off work this week to hand out resumes.
see you in 4 weeks!!!

At 11:20 a.m., Blogger Andrew G said...

honest post...
I think that you've hit it. I remember you when we were both in the Resource Centre and you were frustrated to no end with where your life was headed.
When I saw you at FreshWind this year, I saw a man full of intention and hope and dreams. It's like that whole, "without vision, the people perish" verse has been lifted from your life and now it's more like Psalm 84:5 (one of my favourite in the entire bible), "Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage."

At 6:35 p.m., Blogger Sgt Steve said...

jake man, some how you put words to my thoughts so perfectly. how do you do that?? truly you are a gifted man.

Where's the #@%*! Highway already!!! hhaha


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