What good is all the knowledge in the world, if I have not Love?

Welcome coming Spring, turning of the seasons.
As the planet spins, and the calendar gets slowly slimmer
so life returns to me in the form of a dream
For as a people without a vision perish,
So a person who has been far from attaining the vision
feels something like the pains of death.

So dear friends, I have begun the exquisitely painful process of discerning the way ahead. I believe that I have written that no lifetime decisions should be made in February, and I maintain that view, however this is March, and the process can begin. In early March, 2003, I spoke with a trusted friend and my situation at that time was a stressful one. I had begun something in my education at SSU that I had not finished. I found myself in a job I did not enjoy. I think that everyone is created as a unique and gifted person. We all have certain strengths and gifts. At the time that I went to see my friend I felt as though my life was ordered in such a way that I was not using many of my gifts, and was not moving in my strengths. I believe that when a man does something he is good at, when he can see progress in his acheivements, he feels more like a man. He can see himself more clearly in the light of what type of person God made him to be. In March 2003, my friend said the same thing. "Jake," he said. "You're not doing what you were made for. That's the problem." We talked for a while about what it could possibly be that I was in fact made to do. Whether there was a job I could do, a career I could pursue that, when attained, would be fulfilling for me. I dreamed of the day that I could go home from work with a smile on my face for having done a good job at something I loved. Teaching people to appreciate and analyze English Literature seemed like a good way forward. With the blessing of my emloyer and co-workers I went back to school to finish my Bachelor's degree, and have since done so. On the way were some serious hitches. I quit my job to take a position as a Sailing Instructor and no sooner did my present job finish, than my new job crapped out. The sailing company was run by an old man who promptly died of a stomach disorder, and I couldn't find another job all summer. I spent all of my savings on rent, and had to get a loan to pay for school. But eventually I got back in school, and finished my first degree.
Today I work in a job that is not visibly bringing me any closer to my former ideal. The desire I had to become a teacher empowered me in my school work, and I was able to do much better work than I had been before. But now I find myself looking at my former vision and wondering how it came to pass that I stopped going for it.
I think that God has had a hand in this, and I will explain why.
I finished my BA by travelling across Europe with my school. The whole time I wondered what to do next. I discovered that the Student Recruiter for my University had resigned, and I knew that this was an opportunity that God was placing before me. Do you know how that feels? To be praying for something that doesn't really have a shape, like "what do I do now?" and then something comes along and you recognize it as the exact thing you were praying for, only you didn't know it before? Well if you do, that's what it was like for me. So I applied for the job, and got it, and have worked at it ever since.
I have come to think that this job is only for a season. I think this for a few reasons: 1) It is not my dream, and doesn't resemble any of the dreams God has given for me. 2)It does not make very much use of my strengths and gifts. 3)My heart is very excited about the prospect of pursuing a Master's Degree and moving on to teaching English.
So I can confidently speculate that this place, this job, this season is not going to last forever, but I must also recognize that when I sought God for a way ahead, this is what he showed me to do. I don't want to cut his plans short simply because they don't make sense to me. To this end, I am entering a time of discerning. I am going to spend the next three months going about my job with as much enthusiasm as I can. I will also apply to school, and get all the finances in place, so that when the time comes to make up my mind I will have two genuine choices in front of me.
This is a uniquely terrifying time when it would be very easy to let go of one idea and embrace another, but I am praying that I will have what it takes to make a Godly, Spirit-led decision about this. I know what my desire is, and I want to take that into account, but my own opinion about where I should be only makes up one piece of the puzzle. If you, my dear friends will pray for me in this time I am confident that it will make a signifigant difference. Above all I want to become the man God made me to be, and it's scary making decisions that will influence my path to that destination without knowing exactly what to do. So please pray for me. Cheques are also welcome.