lyef & thymes

Sunday, September 18, 2005

A Bit Ambitious

I have decided in my heart that I will be moving back to Toronto. I have acknowledged with my mouth, to many friends and colleagues, both in St. Stephen and in Ontario, that I am moving. I am trying to make the best of my last month in St. Stephen, but I think that my decision to stay for a whole month was a BIT ambitious.

I am trusting God, and believe that he is in charge here, guiding my decisions. But it seems that sometimes when God is guiding your steps they lead you through some challenging places.

The thing is, I could have said all of my goodbyes in a week, and kinda did. But now I have three more weeks and I don't know what to do with myself. It's not really bad, like the people here are suddenly against me. These are my very close friends. They've been my family for the past two years. I would take a bullet for some of these folks, and I know they would do the same for me.

So I have time. Time to hang out, and I intend to make the best of it. But overshadowing the hanging out is the knowledge that our time for doing so is short. That's the hard part I suppose. I guess I wasn't prepared for how difficult it would be to say goodbye to these guys.

Jer, Shannon, Evan and Alex, Holli, Zoe, Dan, Pete, Walt, Eric, Isaac, Steph, Larissa, Zach, Chrissy. So many friends who have been so important to me, who I have been priveleged to be nearby in community.

And then I think of my friends in T.O. who I have to wait three more weeks before I see once again, and begin to commune with them for the first time in awhile, like Steve, Tom, Kev, Michael, Mike, Dunc, Andrew, Mel, Bee, Beth, Jon and Maija, and a few new friends too like Noel, who I barely know, but hope to know better.

In some ways it's like enjoying the last slice of a very very tasty cake, knowing that it's the last piece, and somewhere inside I don't want to eat that last bite. All the while knowing that there is another, very different type of cake in the fridge for the next celebration.

Okay, that analogy was super weak. I'm tempted to delete it, but I'm leaving it so that you can see that I am really thrown off my game here.

Know this! I care a great deal about the people here, and am sad to leave them. Simultaneously I care a great deal about the folks in my future home, and can't wait to see them. So I am strongly tempted to rush things, and am fighting fighting fighting to keep at the original game plan. I decided what to do when I was not experiencing these pressures, somewhat freer from stresses to leave now. So that's what I will do.

11 Comments:

At 9:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 12:46 AM, Blogger Michael said...

Well dude - if you came back early you could always come sailing with us!... this probably isn't helping is it? ;D

 
At 12:50 PM, Blogger bobbie said...

we feel that way 'leaving' our church too. everyone has said 'goodbye' but when they see us again, it's so hard. it's almost like 'would you guys leave already???'

 
At 2:27 PM, Blogger Jake-M said...

Bobbie, hi!

Yeah, I have to leave my church for geographical reasons, but I then get to leave my familiar environs, friends, family, work, apartment, and everything else about life here. It's pretty stressful.

And Mike, you are a jerk. Just kidding. Was that Maciek's boat?

 
At 5:05 PM, Blogger Sgt Steve said...

Hey Jake, there's always road trips!! I find that when I do visit my far away friends it is so much sweeter because you don't get to see them all the time. So in some ways it makes it better when you do visit. Do you get what I'm saying? meh

I like cake. Cake, cake, cake. Cake in my belly. Cake on the rocks...??? huh

Ya I know Noel. She's pretty cool. She'd be a wonderful, uh friend.

I know I'm looking forward to having you around here again. But I do feel for the people who are gonna miss you back in St Stephen cause I know what saying "see ya later" to you is like. It'd be like a spinich and liver cake or something, ewwww gross!! haha see you in three weeks...

 
At 7:25 PM, Blogger wilsonian said...

There are tons of lessons in the waiting...

 
At 7:40 PM, Blogger Michael said...

HAHA! - Yes I am a jerk, but you know where I'm coming from ;-)

Yes - that's Afterblue - the great Atlantic explorer itself... I have decided I am getting a boat if/when I move to Vancouver...

 
At 10:00 AM, Blogger beth said...

"He has made everything beautiful in it's own time..." eccl 3:11

Remember the advice you gave me young grasshopper? Bethany, if it's going to be really good, it has got to be REALLY GOOD...
avoid the urge to rush...we're all just as excited to see your chinny chin chin...

Bethany :)

 
At 12:58 PM, Blogger Andrew G said...

wow, lots of wisdom already... not sure if i can top any of it; eat a fresh lobster while you can, ok?

see you soon buddy

 
At 1:15 PM, Blogger Mel J said...

Thing is the anticipation of change is always hard to swallow.

But hey I'm excited you are coming now I have someone to go to movies with. You should have seen Just like Heaven we saw it last night. You would have hated it. See you soon.

 
At 9:18 AM, Blogger Jon L said...

Yo man,

CAn't wait till our here...

 

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