A Bit Ambitious

I have decided in my heart that I will be moving back to Toronto. I have acknowledged with my mouth, to many friends and colleagues, both in St. Stephen and in Ontario, that I am moving. I am trying to make the best of my last month in St. Stephen, but I think that my decision to stay for a whole month was a BIT ambitious.

I am trusting God, and believe that he is in charge here, guiding my decisions. But it seems that sometimes when God is guiding your steps they lead you through some challenging places.

The thing is, I could have said all of my goodbyes in a week, and kinda did. But now I have three more weeks and I don't know what to do with myself. It's not really bad, like the people here are suddenly against me. These are my very close friends. They've been my family for the past two years. I would take a bullet for some of these folks, and I know they would do the same for me.

So I have time. Time to hang out, and I intend to make the best of it. But overshadowing the hanging out is the knowledge that our time for doing so is short. That's the hard part I suppose. I guess I wasn't prepared for how difficult it would be to say goodbye to these guys.

Jer, Shannon, Evan and Alex, Holli, Zoe, Dan, Pete, Walt, Eric, Isaac, Steph, Larissa, Zach, Chrissy. So many friends who have been so important to me, who I have been priveleged to be nearby in community.

And then I think of my friends in T.O. who I have to wait three more weeks before I see once again, and begin to commune with them for the first time in awhile, like Steve, Tom, Kev, Michael, Mike, Dunc, Andrew, Mel, Bee, Beth, Jon and Maija, and a few new friends too like Noel, who I barely know, but hope to know better.

In some ways it's like enjoying the last slice of a very very tasty cake, knowing that it's the last piece, and somewhere inside I don't want to eat that last bite. All the while knowing that there is another, very different type of cake in the fridge for the next celebration.

Okay, that analogy was super weak. I'm tempted to delete it, but I'm leaving it so that you can see that I am really thrown off my game here.

Know this! I care a great deal about the people here, and am sad to leave them. Simultaneously I care a great deal about the folks in my future home, and can't wait to see them. So I am strongly tempted to rush things, and am fighting fighting fighting to keep at the original game plan. I decided what to do when I was not experiencing these pressures, somewhat freer from stresses to leave now. So that's what I will do.